5 Tips for Talking with Your Teenager About Their Mental Health
According to the CDC’s 2021 Youth Risk Behavior Survey of 17,000 high school students:
10% of students attempted suicide
30% of female youth seriously considered attempting suicide
57% felt sad or hopeless
20% of girls experienced sexual violence
The numbers speak for themselves. Teens are struggling, which is why it is so important for parents to check in with their kids. But having a conversation with your teenager about anything can be challenging. Add in your concerns about their mental health and now it’s even more daunting. Sometimes as parents, we don’t know how to even begin the conversation or what to say once we start it. These five tips will give you some ideas on how to begin talking to your teenager about their mental health.
1. Talk while doing something your teen enjoys
The drive to school with your child in the passenger seat may not be the best time to start this conversation. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want someone to have this conversation with you while you’re driving to work? Engaging in an activity that your teen enjoys while talking with them is a great way to ease into the conversation. If your teenager enjoys playing video games, ask to join in or sit and watch; go for a walk together; play a board game. Then you can begin talking. Your child will feel less confronted and more like you want to connect with them.
2. Share observations and ask open-ended questions
Instead of asking questions, like “Are you ok?”, which will probably get a one-word response, share what you have observed. This might sound like, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately, and I wonder what’s going on for you?” Open-ended questions typically result in more than a one-word response. You’re also communicating that you see them and are paying attention to them.
3. Lead with empathy and an open mind
When your teenage shares what they are thinking and feeling, be empathetic and avoid minimizing or judging them. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand things from their perspective. Your responses should validate your child’s experience. For example, “That seems really hard,” or “That sounds like you are really struggling.” Avoid minimizing their experience and saying things like, “It’s not that bad” or comparing their experience to your childhood. Teens today face unique challenges that may be very different than what you experienced as a teen. Leading the conversation with empathy and an open-mind will help your teen feel understood and they will be more willing to open up to you.
4. Stay calm
Your teenager might share some things with you that are worrisome or even cause you to panic. In those moments, your teenager needs you to stay calm and nonreactive, or they may shut down out of concern that it’s too much for you. But you’re also human, and you may get emotional. If that happens, it’s a great opportunity to model emotional regulation skills and tell your teenager you need a moment, while taking some deep breaths. You can express that you are worried, but also be sure to communicate that you are going to be there for your teen and find a way to help them get through whatever they are struggling with.
5. Keep the door open for more conversations
Whether your teen opens up to you or not, it’s important to keep the conversation going. If your teenager is not willing to talk to you or does not share much, be willing to accept that is where they are at. You might say something like, “I’m here if you ever want to talk at any point. I will do my best to just listen.” You can also offer them the opportunity to speak with someone else that they might feel more comfortable with, such as another family member, a school counselor, or a therapist. And if your teen does share their concerns with you, it’s important to recognize that you will not have all the answers or be able to solve all their problems in one conversation. Find out what your teen needs in that moment and then come up with a plan to help meet that need. Then continue to check in with them and let them know you are there to support them and get them help if they need it.
Resources
· Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or use the chat function at 988lifeline.org to talk with a trained counselor at any time.
· Call Teen Line at 800-852-8336 or Text TEEN to 839863 (9pm-12am EST) to talk with trained teen listeners
· Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer crisis counselor
As always, we are here to support you and your teens. We provide individual psychotherapy for teens in a safe and confidential environment.